Schmo Munchkin v. Ida
Ida:
Hello, Schmo…
Munchkin:
I’m the most powerful politician in the most
powerful deliberative body in the most powerful
country in the world—and who the hell are you?
Ida:
Who the hell do you think I am, Mr. Muthafrakkker—
Fossil Fuel-Big Pharma-errand boy?
I’m Ida, Sister of Sandy, Daughter of Katrina—and
Alcohol, Geritol, protocol puppets like you don’t impress me…
Munchkin:
What?! How’d you manage to get in here anyway?
Get out now, or I’m calling the Capitol Police…
Ida:
Capitol Police? You remind me of another reason I’m visiting
16 years to the day…All your crowing about body-armored,
bear spray-bearing, feeble-minded men “storming” Capitalist
Hill January 6 insulted us!
Storms are more complex and simple than bunches of
wild Boer police/soldiers in lynch mob mode…
We’re traumatized survivors of corporate-caused climate
catastrophe—That’s why we kill…What’s your excuse, Schmo?
Munchkin:
Why, you young cunt, you! You don’t come to Capitalist
Hill and talk to a powerful man like me like that! Get out!
Get out now, before I have the FBI frame you, ICE detain
you and the CIA assassinate you before can say clean coal!
Ida:
Your framers, detainers, assassins, bombs, missiles, drones,
and submarines don’t frighten me. I knocked down 8 power
lines and washed out 100 police cars on my way here…
Munchkin:
You blasphemous bitch—how dare you speak to a U.S. Senator
like this! I’ll convene a bipartisan Senate Sub-Committee and
get to the bottom of your bitchy behavior! Then I’ll plant stories
in the Times, the Post, on FOX—I’ll ruin your reputation! Why,
your name’ll be mud by morning’s end!
Ida:
Enough with the impotent threats—enough with
comedy that bombs and kills… fossil fool!
Enough with corny failed state slogans and cruel
commands: “Build back better!” “Prepare for a month
without power;” while you bomb, sanction and oversee
$elections of bloodthirsty thugs across the globe!
Munchkin:
Police, police…we have a credible crazy—an Eco-Identity-
Extremist-Terrorist threat… get up here ASAP—now!
Ida:
Quite the drama queen, heh, coal baron-Karen?
A few months ago you and your corporate pay-masters
could conceal carnage caused by blowing heads off mountains;
ejaculating fracking fluid into groundwaters; and pumping pig
shit into ponds near peoples’ homes…
Munchkin:
The American people aren’t interested in your hysterical
horse-faced lesbian commie rant! They have the Super Bowl;
NBA Finals; boxing; and superstar celebrities to worship! They
have apple-orange GOAT debates! They have twenty-two types
of toothpastes and toilet tissues to think about! And, as well
Ms Wet Thing, they get to vote every 2-4 years…
Ida:
Senator Sleaze, you and your fossil fuel puppeteers have
royally f’d this planet up! And now you’re scheming Space
escapes; now you’re hunting other planets to plunder!
Your multibillionaire bosses better slow their roll—maybe
take the time to snort a line or two of the Green New Deal…
Munchkin:
Why, you wind-bagging wench, how many times must
I tell you… you don’t talk to a U.S. Senator like that?!
Ida:
Gulf and east coast homes look like Palestinian apartment
buildings struck by water-filled apartheid state missiles…
And the roads are rivers…
Munchkin:
I knew it…you’re an anti-Semite—an anti-Semitic storm!!
Ida:
PLEASE, Your Slime-e-Ness, we’re dyed in the wool internationalists.
That’s why we’re applying ‘Super Storm Sanctions' to the U.S. …bet
you know a thing or two about how sanctions work: No break from
Heartbreak…
Hey, maybe ‘the American people’ will rise like rivers and sweep your
scurvy asses out to sea? Maybe they’ll spare the world eternal grief?
Munchkin:
Out!!!!
Ida:
Oh, I’ll be back…No…my lil’ Sistars Serena and Simone; my
lil’ brothers LeBron and Shaq will soon make landfall, serving,
flipping, twisting, slamming and drenching this slow motion
Disaster you call capitalism!
Munchkin:
The Capitol Police are on their way…
Ida:
Tell them to save their energy for bear spray-baton boys. I’m
off to the War House to see the other Schmo! From there I’ll
sweep over the White Supreme Court checking Strong-arm
Williams’/Thom-ass Clarence’s Bassackwards Tribe Tom Talks…
Former forklift driver/warehouse worker/janitor, Raymond Nat Turner is a NYC poet; BAR's Poet-in-Residence; and founder/co-leader of the jazz-poetry ensemble UpSurge!NYC. You can Vote for his work at:
GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/the-town-criers-big-tooth-fund
PayPal: paypal.me/towncrierRNT
© 2021. Raymond Nat Turner, The Town Crier. All Rights Reserved.
The 2025 NATO summit exposed a dying empire escalating wars and austerity to hide its collapse while backing genocide in Gaza and illegal attacks worldwide.
"Did New Yorkers say, No Mo Cuomo; No Mo Turkey Trot with Papa Cop?" is the latest from BAR's Poet-in-Residence.
The causes of the July 4, 1776 Declaration of Independence are rarely taught in this country. The American colonists chafed under British rules limiting their settlements and feared they would end…
America’s gentrified neighborhoods have lost 500,000 Black people, while gaining residents of every other race, a study finds.
With an anticipated tens of thousands of international travelers for the World Cup and the Olympic Games, U.S. immigration policy has made it a dangerous place to visit. Both the U.S. and Israel…
