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"Little
Richard’s Uncle Tom, while in the company of Long
Tall Sally, saw his Aunt Mary coming and he ducked back in
the alley."
Finally
there are groups of people who reach their conclusions
about a person’s behavior based upon as many
objective facts as they can muster. It is a fact Uncle Tom
told Aunt Mary he would be at the church men’s choir
practice until 10 P.M. – but it was 8 P.M. when he
ducked back in the alley. It is a fact the alley into
which Uncle ducked was around the corner from Long Tall
Sally’s apartment. It is a fact Uncle Tom has been a
philanderer for as long as he has been married to Aunt
Mary as her frequent threats of divorce will attest.
Lastly, it is a fact everyone in the neighborhood knows
Sally to be a woman of questionable virtue and who in
keeping with a commitment to fundamental neo-liberal
economic arrangements as well as a market driven ethos has
placed a negotiable value on that virtue.
Reluctantly
people of the most generous nature who nevertheless yield
to objective facts would conclude Uncle Tom had been
involved in low crimes and petty misdemeanors. In fact a
neighbor of Sally’s who lived directly across the
courtyard had taken a photograph of Uncle Tom and Sally in
flagrante
delicto.
"Was
Uncle Tom merely hiding the appearance of domestic
impropriety?"
Of
course Uncle Tom and Sally, having been employed in the
“spin and refocus” industry for many years and
who were in fact it’s consummate practitioners,
mounted a vigorous rebuttal. Tom claimed he had not been a
practicing philanderer but a very friendly and outgoing
person who happened to have many female friends. He did
admit to once being a philanderer but therapy and
Philanderer’s Anonymous had kept him on the straight
and narrow. He also pointed out he told Aunt Mary choir
practice would end at 7 and not 10 P.M. He even suggested
Aunt Mary had an irritating habit of always believing her
lying ears. Additionally Tom stated he did stop to have a
cocktail after choir practice and happened to innocently
walk out of the bar at the same time as Sally. Finally he
reported he had a diagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder
and was compelled to duck into alleys whenever he passed
one.
Sally
was incensed by the direct attack on her character and
reputation. She pointed out a group women with whom she
was employed were jealous of her beauty and height. Her
ability to attract men that these other women desired was
an ongoing source of anger and resentment among them and
they had deliberately spread scurrilous rumors about her.
With regard to the photograph, Sally reported it was the
picture of the man to whom she was to be married. He was
an employee of the International Monetary Fund who had
been out of the country and unavailable for comment at the
time. She did admit the gentleman in question bore a
remarkable resemblance to Uncle Tom.
"Long
Tall Sally was incensed by the direct attack on her
character and reputation."
The
above leads to the appearance of the insight for which
this review was intended: Uncle Tom is an unnamed, behind
the scenes advisor to the current Administration and in
fact orchestrated the departure of Mr. Rumsfeld as an
elaborate stealth move; the political equivalent of a
ducking back in the alley if you will. Of course it must
be openly stated that there are no corroborating facts at
this time and this is only speculation. But if such facts
are forthcoming and Uncle Tom is in fact in the employ of
the Administration then the general public should be
instructed to expect Uncle Tom’s signature spin.
Such spin would be expected to include but not be limited
to the following:
A
stealth move is never designed to hide something. It is
merely an appearance of hiding something
The
bogus concept of Philandering was created many years ago
by a club of disgruntled housewives to divert attention
away from low ratings in bedroom mechanics given by their
husbands.
Aunt
Mary is the current president of this Club.
Never
believe your lying ears.
Never
examine facts too closely because they tend to create a
looking glass effect.
There
is no such thing as an objective fact. Facts are the
creation of an out of control, non-patriotic, soft on
terrorism, non-Christian, abortion loving, equality
seeking, peace mongering, light in the loafer, tree
hugging, global warming preaching, intelligent design
doubting, honest elections promoting, Ku Klux Klan hating
group of starry eyed lovers of facts who grew up in
families with no values.
Harold
Bridgeman is a writer living in St. Paul, Minnesota. He
can be contacted at Hbridging@aol.com
Copyright
2006 Harold Bridgeman
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